Moving on after a break up...
Are you dwelling on a lost love? Learn how to survive a break up.
How can I learn to move on from a break up? This is not my first break up, but I was so in love with this man and was sure we were headed towards getting married and living the rest of our lives together, and now out of the blue he broke up with me.
It hurts so much and I can't imagine getting over him. It's been nearly a month and my friends are telling me to forget him and start looking for someone new to date, but I don't want to leave the house, I'm just so depressed and sad.
First of all, when you're coping with a break up, you need to listen to your own needs. Your friends and family can be there to support you and give you advice, but it must resonate as the right thing for you, or don't follow it. If it doesn't feel right to forget your ex yet, and hit the dating scene, then don't do it! If you rush the recovery process when your heart is broken, you'll actually end up taking longer to truly get over the relationship and be able to move forward.
This does not mean you have a license to dwell, wallow and stay home, however. Yes, you must listen to your heart, broken or bruised, first, but you must also push yourself to heal too. This is your responsibility and commitment to yourself and you need to stick to it.
Start by finding new locals haunts for yourself and your friends. Don't stalk the places you used to go to with your ex: the pubs, romantic restaurants, cafes…instead find new places for creating new memories. You don't want to go out and stay mentally in the past, or keep looking around wondering if you're going to run into your ex. You can carve a new emotional path by starting out on a new physical one.
Also, use this time while you're single and not yet looking, wisely. Take stock of what happened in the relationship that led to it not working. In some cases, this means figuring out what part you played, or reflecting on why the person wasn't right for you. In your case, it could mean understanding how you could be on such a different page to your ex. You thought you were headed to the altar but he was on the brink of ending it, and then did. A break up out of the blue is hard because of the shock on top of the pain. But regardless of how someone splits up, finding lessons to learn not only helps you to move forward, but makes you a stronger, smarter person, and a better partner the next time around.
If you're having difficulty getting past the sadness and depression, it may be time to seek professional help. You can visit your GP for advice on diagnosing and treating clinical depression, or get a referral to a counselor to help talk through the sadness and focus on how to motivate you to move on.
Acknowledge that this is a hard time, and be gentle with yourself. Remember to listen to your needs, whether that's a little ice cream, a little wine, a little more time…just don't overdo it.
This too shall pass, your heart will heal, and once again, you will be excited to meet someone and fall in love. This next time, you can do it with an open heart and an open mind, and when you're ready, which means this last break up may be just that: your last one.
It hurts so much and I can't imagine getting over him. It's been nearly a month and my friends are telling me to forget him and start looking for someone new to date, but I don't want to leave the house, I'm just so depressed and sad.
First of all, when you're coping with a break up, you need to listen to your own needs. Your friends and family can be there to support you and give you advice, but it must resonate as the right thing for you, or don't follow it. If it doesn't feel right to forget your ex yet, and hit the dating scene, then don't do it! If you rush the recovery process when your heart is broken, you'll actually end up taking longer to truly get over the relationship and be able to move forward.
This does not mean you have a license to dwell, wallow and stay home, however. Yes, you must listen to your heart, broken or bruised, first, but you must also push yourself to heal too. This is your responsibility and commitment to yourself and you need to stick to it.
Start by finding new locals haunts for yourself and your friends. Don't stalk the places you used to go to with your ex: the pubs, romantic restaurants, cafes…instead find new places for creating new memories. You don't want to go out and stay mentally in the past, or keep looking around wondering if you're going to run into your ex. You can carve a new emotional path by starting out on a new physical one.
Also, use this time while you're single and not yet looking, wisely. Take stock of what happened in the relationship that led to it not working. In some cases, this means figuring out what part you played, or reflecting on why the person wasn't right for you. In your case, it could mean understanding how you could be on such a different page to your ex. You thought you were headed to the altar but he was on the brink of ending it, and then did. A break up out of the blue is hard because of the shock on top of the pain. But regardless of how someone splits up, finding lessons to learn not only helps you to move forward, but makes you a stronger, smarter person, and a better partner the next time around.
If you're having difficulty getting past the sadness and depression, it may be time to seek professional help. You can visit your GP for advice on diagnosing and treating clinical depression, or get a referral to a counselor to help talk through the sadness and focus on how to motivate you to move on.
Acknowledge that this is a hard time, and be gentle with yourself. Remember to listen to your needs, whether that's a little ice cream, a little wine, a little more time…just don't overdo it.
This too shall pass, your heart will heal, and once again, you will be excited to meet someone and fall in love. This next time, you can do it with an open heart and an open mind, and when you're ready, which means this last break up may be just that: your last one.
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