Ready for marriage? 10 relationship questions to ask

Before you walk down the aisle make sure you’ve addressed these key aspects of your relationship first

It’s amazing the number of couples who leap into a long term and legal commitment together without talking through the serious issues of managing a life together. Often, caught up in the rush of intense feelings for one another, couples only find out after they’ve made a huge commitment to one another that in fact, they may have some fundamentally different beliefs and approaches to key aspects of life. You can still be a great match for one another but still have very different views and beliefs. This is why it’s important to make sure you’ve thoroughly discussed future issues now, rather than before you make the commitment. You can be surer of being ready to make that commitment if you at least talk through this much:

1. What are you deal breakers?

Do you each know where your boundaries are? What will betray the other? What you absolutely will not put up with? Know those and know them well. Doing this enables you both to know the expectations you have of one another and how to best respect them.

2. How do you feel about travel and relocation?

Does one of you insist on living close to family or is living around theworld exciting? You can generally compromise on most things, but where you live and how often you move is a very difficult one to overcome if one of you holds fast to a firm belief one way or another and you can’t agree. Make sure you’re both on the same page with the idea of moving around, before you commit to a life together. Are you making a geographicalcommitment too? Know it beforehand!

3. Who will contribute what and how will it be valued?

If only one person makes money does it matter who or are you both expected to bring in an income? What about looking after the kids? Valuing and appreciating contributions you each bring to the relationship represents mutual respect in the relationship and without it the relationship will crumble. Make sure you’ve talked through this to avoid sadness and conflict later.

4. How will we handle money?

Joint accounts? Attitudes on spending and saving? Money is one of the top issues couples fight about and can even lead to divorce if couples don’t handle their views on spending and savings in a collaborative way together. Discuss as many nitty gritty specifics about money beforehand to avoid a potential split, and daily arguments.

5. Will we have children? How many would you like if so?

It is very dangerous to make assumptions that your partner feels the same way as you do about having children without expressly talking about it. It’s also a good idea to talk through fertility scenarios as well. How do you each feel about adoption? Fertility treatments? Make sure you both feel similarly or this can wind up leading to you going separate ways, and it’s best to know up front than years into a marriage.

6. How important is religion, especially if we have different beliefs?

Couples in love can feel compromise is manageable on this issue and freely give each other space to practice their own faith (or not) until children arrive and suddenly opinions become much less flexible and more intense. So make sure you’ve talked about how children will be raised well before you do anything to have them!

7. How involved can our in-laws and extended family be in ur life?

This can be easy or difficult depending on whether your relationship with your in-laws are easy or difficult but it’s important to draw clear boundaries about what you will and won’t accept, while respecting that when you marry someone, you also enter into a relationship with their family and loved ones too.

8. What's your attitude about staying healthy?

This becomes increasingly important as you age and health issues increase, however even when you’re younger and fitter it’s important to discuss your hopes and expectations about sharing an active lifestyle and good nutrition. Sometimes if a partner doesn’t value their health it can feel dismissive and that apathy can spread to the relationship. Prioritising your health together to lead a vibrant life together is either a shared value or not, but don’t make an assumption that your partner has the same commitment you do, without talking about it.

9. Do you feel comfortable discussing sex, passion and our intimate life?

Your sex life won’t always be easy and intensely passionate at the drop of a hat. All couples – all of them – will have a relationship or sexual issue at some point. Open communication prevents problems from escalating and prevents partners from mistakenly assuming self-blame or other inaccurate reasons and thoughts for issues that could otherwise be simply solved. 

10. Will we share domestic duties?

While research shows women still bear more domestic responsibility than men, many women reject this and expect a true fifty-fifty split when it comes to cleaning, cooking etc. These lifestyle factors can determinehow frequently you will argue. Sort these issues out beforehand!